I wrote this out on a piece of paper about six months ago and I forgot about it until now. It seems appropriate for me to post it, since I'm feeling sort of the same way today.

Oh how failing are the things of this world. Not one steady thing under the sun is there. Friends come and they go, and come again, but alas, some are gone forever. Families are created and grow, yet so many are broken. The triumph of success is a beautiful feeling, but all too often overcame with the despair of defeat. Beauty is inexplicable pleasing, but such an eerie contrast in this world compared to the horrific and grotesque.

The time when fullness comes is a source or joy, but also springs forth guilt. What have we done in this life to have any good brought near us? Did no one see that we are unworthy of the sun, water air, oceans, sunsets, fields and mountains on this earth that we are privileged to live in? Who decided us worthy to be sisters and brothers, sons and daughters, and to have some friends that will always love and never leave us? Why are we so blessed?

This world is one of mixed emotions. With grass growing in the pavement and thorns on the roses, it is a little hard to make sense of things. The ups and downs are jarring. Nothing is steady. How can we live with this turmoil? Some days we feel we need someone, anyone to save us. Already He has come, though we cannot always feel it. Right know though, feelings don't matter. I choose to live past the impulse and rest confident in my Savior.

A Very Cool Quote

I'm very tired today, so instead of trying to come up with some jumbled thought of my own, I'll leave you with this awesome quote that I read today.

Modern technology, I suspect, far from being neutral in its effects, has more than one underlying purpose of built-in tendency: besides reducing the need for physical effort (a kind of material surrender,) it helps us avoid the need for cooperation of social flexibility (a kind of social or metaphysical surrender)... Cars, telephones, message machines, caller ID, and e-mail grant us unprecedented powers to associate with whom we want, when we want, to the degree we want, under the terms we want, finessing and filtering out those we don't want--and thin out the possibilities of social growth accordingly.

Perhaps that seems rather random to you. It's from this book, Better Off, by Eric Brende, about the problems with technology and how people can live without it. It's a really good book.

segnahC emoS

After reading Do Hard Things and listening to Leeland's song Opposite Way a million times (52 times, to be precise), I feel it's time for a change. A bigger change.

It's been a month since I turned seventeen. It's been the best month of my life; I feel I've learned to be truly happy and just take joy in being alive as a child of God. But now, I need to do something more. I'm inspired.

On Friday, I was writing down this list of people and things that inspire me and how I'd like to live in light of that. Then I was asking myself where I'd like to be in a year. I thought about it for a while. I was still thinking about it today.

I think I greatly limit myself with how much I can do. There's much to be said for day to day living, not worrying about tomorrow. But I think that the days fill up with rather meaningless things without a decent amount of looking forward to the future.

So, I'm making some changes. Nope, I'm not writing them all here now, but you'll probably find them out eventually. Some goals I may fail at, but hopefully not.

Just for starters though, I thought about reading the Bible and where I'd like to be with that in a year. I really think one time isn't enough. I've done that for four years and I'd like to move on to more. I mean, I don't have that many years on earth to read it and it makes all the difference. So my goal this time is to read it three times this year. It's entirely possible with some sacrifice of other trivial things. This is just the beginning...

Random Update

This has to be a short post, because I have to get off the computer in exactly three minutes, but I just felt like writing a short thing to all my dedicated readers.

For some reason today, the rain really made me happy. It was quite refreshing.

You know, this may be a very silly thing to write, but I really enjoyed cleaning today. I vacuumed and dusted the whole house, did some laundry and dishes, and picked up most of the rooms. It really feels good to do work like that.

So, I'm going to my cousins' tomorrow and that's going to be fun.

I really love God! He's so amazing to give me this life of peace and such blessings and I want to serve Him completely. I only wish that I did it better.

I Really Love Mustangs! And I Collect Baby Name Books, Mmhmm. Oh, and I'm Learning Piano Chords, Which Is Totally Awesome. Very Fun Life, I Lead.

I don't usually randomly write about my days but this one is an exception. Or rather, this is a random update of my life, mostly about today.

After having a delicious breakfast and reading the most important Book of all Books,* I drove my sister and a friend of ours, that lives just down the street, over to where they both babysit. This was fun, because the other girl was under 18 and she's the second person under 18 I've driven since I had my license long enough. It's very fun to be able to do things like that and help other people out. Not to mention that we had a lovely little visit on the ride over.

Then I drove straight to the Pangue's** house. They have four kids. Samantha*** is 7, Harold**** is 5, Tasha***** is 3, and Claudia****** is not yet one.
(how many people think the star thing is getting annoying at this point? just so you know, all the rest of the names are fake too)
Then the Jordon family arrived soon after. Jason is 6, Amelia is 5, Samuel is 3, and Wallie is 1. I went there to watch the kids while Mrs. Pangue and Mrs. Jordon, along with two other women organized the upstairs of the Pangue house. It was such a fun time!

I played games with the kids, brought them outside, gave them lunch, carried them around, and other fun things. While the babies napped, I played guitar outside and the other six kids clapped for me at the end of every song. So cute! :) Then they all gathered round and danced on the patio. At the end of the time there, they got their moms to come out to watch a "performance" of them doing that. All in all it was a great time. I was there for a little over five hours.

I really love doing stuff like that. The moms got to get a lot done and they were really happy to. I think it's great to help people. I really like being able to do that! I was so glad to be homeschooled and I'm so glad I can help other homeschooling mothers get stuff done.

When I came home I had a good lunch. I was really hungry.

Then my dear sister, Tatiana, wanted me to bring her to the store and Elliott decided to come too. I love driving my siblings places. It was a very hilly road and on the way back Elliott kept saying "Go fast down the hill, Ninny.*" Well, I didn't go too fast, just so you know. I am a very good driver.

Now, here I am at home. I just finished some good dinner and I did some reading and talked to my momma and chatted with a couple friends. I'm still hungry, but I'm more tired, so I think I'm going to go rest while I listen to something.

Oh, and I really love the song Jesus Lord Of Heaven, by Phil Wickham, that Kutless did. I'm just going to put the words here, because I like it so much!

Jesus, Lord of Heaven, I did not deserve
The grace that You have given and the promise of Your word

Lord, I stand in wonder of the sacrifice You made
With mercy beyond measure, my debt You freely paid

Your love is deeper than the ocean, higher than the heavens,
Reaches beyond the stars in the sky

Jesus, Your love has no bounds

* I do take showers in the morning too, but kind of is just a distraction to the post. *******
** Not their real last name
*** Not their real name
**** Not their real name
***** Not their real name
****** Not their real name
*******I think I might have checked my email too
*Okay, I'm not trying to protect my identity or anything, but that's really what Elliott calls me. Don't ask me why

Christmas Every Day

There's this guy I know, a homeschooling dad with four young kids who are ages 6, 5, 3 and 1. Talk about crazy busy. He and his wife homeschool too. So amazing. The best part is that when I asked him tonight how he's doing he said, "Every day's like Christmas in our house. We wake up early in the morning with the babies and it's like Christmas has come to the Gordon's house!" That's how I want to be. Oh, that I'd be as excited every day as I am on Christmas. :)

Pickup Truck Reflections

I was riding in my dad's pickup today (all good blog posts should start like this), listening to Casting Crowns' song Life Of Praise. I got kind of stuck at this line though: "I will love You, Lord, always, not just for the things You've done for me. And I will praise you all my days, not just for the change you made." I got to wondering how we praise God, not for something He's done, but just for who He is.

I thought about it for a while. And then it struck me. All of us have really good friends, who we are just totally impressed with. Or there are people in history, or great people now, that we cannot say enough good about. There are people I know that I just could say "You are incredible" to, every time I saw them. This is how it should be with God. He receive the same adoration from us that we would give to a favorite best friend... times infinity.

He really is incredible.

Specialness

The other day I was pondering being chosen. I was a little upset by some new person who decided our family was too radical and could have nothing to do with us anymore. I was thinking about it more and more and getting rather depressed by the whole thing. Then I realized that it doesn't really matter if I'm rejected by people on earth because GOD chose me. He really did choose me, because there is no way I could be like this on my own. Sometimes it looks like the people of the world are having more fun and that it's too difficult to follow God, but we should never think that. It is a great privilege to be one of the ones that the Lord uses, and I'm so glad I am one of them.

"But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar...that ye should show forth the praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into His marvelous light."